Mistaken Insanities
by Draconian Elflord
Summary: Kuwabara has some ideas about Yukina that Hiei doesn't like. Total YYH comedy. Yusuke gets brownies, Kuwabara gets very confused, Hiei goes nuts, Kurama goes therapist, Yukina remains oblivious, all in this lil' one shot. My first YYH, R+R, don't be cruel


Elflord: Alright, alright, alright, it's coming, quit yer bellyaching. Don't own Heie. Don't own Yukina. Don't own Kuabara. Don't own any Yu Yu characters. But I really wished I had Heie. I guess that's enough.  
  
This takes place during the dark tournament, somewhere during that time  
  
A/N: Like all my fics, my stories do not exactly, or in some cases, follow the real plotline. It's more of my interp of what would be happenings. Some rewriting of real plotline. That's the kind of fic writer I am. I don't wanna hear how I'm not following the plot.  
  
Mistaken Insanities  
  
"Ha hee hee," Kuwabara grinned happily to himself as he strolled out onto the cool balcony bathed in night air. Maybe this stupid tournament might have something in it for him after all. Yukina had finally held his hand . . . well, sort of. Sure, it was only for two seconds to hand her the sugar bowl because it was too high for her to reach so she'd be able to make some brownies to congratulate Yusuke on his recent win against Gin, but at least it was something.  
  
"Pretty soon," he thought to himself, a sly grin on his face. "Soon enough. Oh yeah. I can see it now. Kuwabara and Yukina. . . such a nice ring to it. Rolls right off the tongue."  
  
"What are you hee- heeing about?" Kuwabara's heart dropped into his boots for a split second. He hated it when Hiei snuck up on him. Quickly, he replaced the look of surprise on his face to one of incredible smugness.  
  
"Oh nothing," he smiled smarmily, showing all his big, white teeth. "Just received a very good sign, that's all."  
  
"The suspense is killing me," Hiei replied savagely. He was leaning against the wall, obviously bored and aggravated (as always. Heie was never in a good mood.). With one arm, he swung his long sword in lazy whorls, trying his best to stay busy somehow. "Tell me already."  
  
"Oh, nothing much. Just one step closer to a score."  
  
"Don't tell me," Hiei sighed again. "It's Boton, isn't it?"  
  
"Nope," Kuwabara laughed arrogantly. "Someone even better."  
  
Hiei suddenly stopped whirling his sword. Now he'd caught his interest. "Who?" he asked.  
  
"Yep, Ice Apparition, my bed. . .match made in heaven, just you watch," he smirked lewdly . . . until a lighting-speed flurry of vicious blows barraged his body from all sides, so fast he was just a blur, none the less block them.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF HER THAT WAY?" Hiei's voice bellowed from somewhere. "YOU SICK, PERVERTED FREAK!!! YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO LICK HER BOOTS!!!"  
  
"Hiei!!! Cut it out would ya?!?" Kuwabara screeched as the blur finally became the figure of his teammate once again, trying his best to put his arms over his face before he hit him again. "You can have her! I give! You can have her!"  
  
Hiei's eyes blinked, unable to believe what he'd heard. "What did you say?"  
  
"I'm saying you can have her! Just don't hit me anymore."  
  
The exact opposite of the remark took place.  
  
"YOU FREAK!" the mad blitzkrieg of rage went on again, now twice as brutal. "YOU PERVERT! OH, HENTAI!!! OHHHHHHHH, HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST SUCH STUFFS? YOU FREAK, YOU FREAK! OHHHHH!!!"  
  
"HEIE! STOP!" he cried one last time, his body stinging with bruises all over. "What the hell's your problem?"  
  
"WHY, YOU- wait a minute," Hiei suddenly stopped his mad rush and dropped Kuwabara to the ground. "You mean to tell me you don't know?"  
  
"Huh? Hiei, what are you. . ."  
  
"But wait!" Hiei went on, his voice quickening. "You might be lying. Kuwabara, look me right in the face, and tell me if you do or do not know."  
  
"What?" Kuwabara cried "Hiei, you're con-"  
  
"Just tell me you don't know!" Hiei screeched, fire flying into his eyes.  
  
"Don't know what?"  
  
"You know perfectly well what you don't know!"  
  
"Do I?"  
  
"Wait! You're right. If you don't know, then you wouldn't know, and so you wouldn't know you didn't know . . . but maybe you do know but you don't know you know!"  
  
"Okay, I think I follow . . . what don't I know?"  
  
"I'm not falling for that stupid trick!"  
  
"Umm . . . what trick?"  
  
"You know perfectly well what trick! You say you don't know so you can't know what you don't know, so I tell you what you don't know, and then you know what you didn't know! How dumb do you think I am?"  
  
"Obviously not as dumb as me!"  
  
"Don't change the subject!"  
  
"What subject?"  
  
"You know perfectly well! The subject of what you don't know!"  
  
"Okay . . . refresh my memory . . . what don't I know?"  
  
"I already told you, I'm not falling for that!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You know perfectly well! I already told you, you'd say you don't know what you don't know, so you couldn't know what ya don't know, so I tell you to make sure if you know or you don't know what you don't know, and then you know what you don't know!"  
  
"AHHH!" Kuwabara screamed. "I'M CONFUSED!"  
  
"Okay, okay, okay, okay . . . there's gotta be a way to do this," Hiei paced around at amazing speed, muttering to himself. "Now let's review. You can't know if you know or you don't know if you don't know what you're not 'sposed to know, but if I tell you what you know, then you'd know if you know or you don't know, but then you'd really know, so-"  
  
"Hiei . . ." Kuwabara groaned, still lying on the ground, "may I please make a suggestion?"  
  
Hiei suddenly stopped muttering and pacing. "What is it?"  
  
"TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!"  
  
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO . . . ARGH!!!" Hiei pulled angrily at his hair, nearly wailing, until suddenly a thought came upon him.  
  
"Kuwabara!" he yelped, holding his face very close and menacingly to his face. "I want you to listen to me very closely, do you understand?"  
  
"I think so . . ."  
  
"Okay . . . now listen closely . . . this-isn't-happening."  
  
"It isn't?" Kuwabara squeaked fearfully. "Then how can I hear you?"  
  
"Kuwabara . . ." Hiei began speaking in a strange, far off sounding sort of voice, "this . . . is . . . a . . . dreeeeeeeeeam."  
  
"Eeep!" he squeaked again. "It is?"  
  
"Yessssssss," Hiei continued in the dream-like voice "This is a dreaaaaaaammm . . . nothing is haaaaaaaaaapening . . ."  
  
"Whew . . . what a relief . . ." Kuwabara sighed at last. "Heie was going nuts or something."  
  
"Never mind that!" Hiei interrupted. "Now listen . . . this is a dreeeeeeam. None of this happened. Right now, you're lying in your own little bed, warm and comfy. . ." Being as careful as he possibly could, he picked Kuwabara up and slung him over his back. "Fast asleep . . . safe from harm. . ." with a heavy sigh, he began carrying him inside.  
  
"Um, Hiei?" Kuwabara suddenly spoke up.  
  
Hiei's eyes flashed in surprise. "You're awake?"  
  
"I'm not asleep."  
  
"Quiet!" He suddenly dropped him to the ground again. "Ohhhh, there's gotta be a way to do this! Wait a minute!" In his best sweet voice, he began to sing. "Rock-a-bye 'bara, on the treetop, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock."  
  
"What?" Kuwabara screamed, tears flooding from his eyes. "I want my mommy!"  
  
"Lights out!" Hiei gave him a whopper of a punch between the eyes. With a final groan, Kuwabara lost consciousness at last.  
  
"Finally!" Hiei suddenly picked him up again, and being sure that no one was watching, ran as fast as he could (and believe me, that's fast) to Kuwabara's room and lay him in his bed. "Jesus friggin' Christ, what's it take for you to go nie-nie?"  
  
For a few seconds, he started looking around the room, observing all of Kuwabara's possessions. Quite a collection of them, at that. Hiei sniffed in disgust. He could never understand these human teenagers, what with their . . . their. . . he tried his best to remember the word . . . DDs . . . the silver round things, . . . their . . . their boxes with the pictures . . . the . . . the Word Wild Web, he thought they called it . . . the. . . the . . . the big pictures on their walls . . . Hiei's eyes bugged out. One of them . . . the . . . the polers had a picture of a scantily clad human female on it.  
  
"Hentai," he muttered under his breath, creeping quietly out of the room. Though the human things were rather interesting, he would have to hurry if Kuwabara wasn't going to wake up on him.  
  
With one last mutter of disgust, Hiei turned down the hall to his own room.  
  
It was a beautiful thing, Hiei's room. Or at least he'd always thought so himself. It was rather bare, what with having trained the two months before the tournament, but he'd found a few things to place around his room to make it his own. His beloved sword, hung above the bed when he slept, where he'd always be able to grab it at a milli-second's notice. The small pouch of tear jewels, the only lasting relic he had of his mother, which he wore around his neck whenever he went into battle. A gorgeous cloth painting of the Dragon of the Darkness Flame Attack, not in its fierce form, but its form of beauty, the only attack he thought deserved to be immortalized on paper. That was basically it. Hiei collapsed on his bed, stripped to his knickers. With the best of luck, Yukina wouldn't find out, and Kuwabara would forget it.  
  
Still, he couldn't deny it; that had almost been serious. Sure, he knew Boton and Kurama knew, as did Yusuke and Keiko, but if it were all the same, he'd rather no one else grasp the knowledge. Five people was already too many for his comfort.  
  
After all, he couldn't imagine that she'd exactly be happy with him if she found out he'd kept it from her for so long. Even if they were only half- siblings, she'd probably be furious to know she'd been kept in the dark all of these years. He'd even gone through the long, excruciating experience of getting the Jagan Eye just so he'd be able to observe her from afar. He could almost see her bitching him out for the rest of the night and most of tomorrow, that sweet little voice so painful to hear angry.  
  
And anyway, she was of yet young. Maybe he'd tell her someday. That thought comforted him as his mind slowly drifted to sleep.  
  
For about an hour or so, the rooms of the Yurameshi team were fairly quiet. That was, until . . .  
  
"KURAMA! YUSUKE! ANYBODY!!!"  
  
"Hey, that sounds like Kuwabara!" said Yusuke, who had just been enjoying a serious sugar high from eating his dish of brownies while watching a late night anime. "Wonder what's wrong with him."  
  
"Sounds like something serious," sighed Kurama, who had been meditating calmly in a corner, still a little too pumped from the day's adventures to venture off to sleep. "I'll go check it out."  
  
"Sounds good to me!" Yusuke laughed, throwing a particularly disfigured brownie into the air and catching in his mouth.  
  
With the grace and Zen that he possessed in all situations, Kurama switched on the light, to find a trembling, sweaty, spazzy Kuwabara knotted in his blankets, looking like he had just seen a whole army of ghosts.  
  
"What on earth could be the problem?" Kurama asked coolly. "Perhaps I'm wrong, but I do not see any mortal peril here."  
  
"Oh, Kurama, thank God you're here!" Kuwabara was now clutching Kurama just a little too close to him, rambling like a moron. "I was talking to Hiei, and we were . . . we were . . . we were talking about Yukina, and he was beating me up, and he was yelling, and I couldn't figure it out, and he beat me up again, and he . . . he was talking in circles, and it was confusing me, and he kept saying I would trick him . . . and . . . and . . . and we were talking all crazy. . . and he told me it was a dream . . ." a sudden look of puzzlement came over his face. "He told me it was a dream . . ."  
  
"I think I see the problem now," Kurama articulated carefully, pushing Kuwabara away from him at last.  
  
"But . . . but, Kurama, it was real!" Kuwabara insisted. "I know it was real."  
  
"Of course it was real," Kurama patted his shoulder in a thoughtful way. "A real dream."  
  
"But . . . but it can't have been!" he persisted, now jumping up and down on the bed, a crazy look coming into his eyes. "It was real, I tell ya! REAL!"  
  
"Sit down!" Kurama ordered. Surprisingly, Kuwabara obeyed. "Now, listen to me, Kuwabara . . . I think I know something that will help."  
  
"You do?" a few frustrated tears swept from his eyes.  
  
"Of course," he answered calmly. "Old kitsune remedy. . . Drowse Potion. Gets rid of all nightmares, and very easy to make. I'll make you some in the morning."  
  
"But . . ."  
  
"In fact," Kurama started rummaging in his pockets, "I think I might have some that's still good. You see, Keiko was having a recurring nightmare about a week ago. Something about vampire kanga-"  
  
"I'm telling you, it wasn't a-"  
  
"Aha!" with flourish, Kurama retrieved a small, crystal bottle marked 'drowse.' "Now open up, it's just the thing."  
  
"I am not taking that stuff!" he folded his arms over his chest in defiance. "Besides, I don't believe in potions. They're only super- EEP!"  
  
Kurama was too fast for him. He'd caught him off guard. The potion had a bitter aftertaste, and had the consistency of a cough syrup. With a loud sputter, he collapsed on the bed, covering his head with the covers just in case there was another dose coming. Kurama shook his head pityingly and switched off the light, walking out of the room.  
  
"A big strong guy like that," he thought to himself. "Disgraceful is what it is."  
  
He was almost to his own bedroom another thought suddenly came to his mind.  
  
"Hiei?" he knocked softly on the Fire demon's door. "Are you still awake?"  
  
"One minute," a sleepy, cranky voice replied. About a minute later, a hastily dressed, sandy-eyed Hiei appeared at the door, yawning. "What is it?"  
  
"A very interesting happening," Kurama said smoothly. "Kuwabara has just told me about a very peculiar dream. About you, in fact. You wouldn't happen to know anything about it . . . would you?"  
  
"What on earth would I want in that buffoon's mind?" he asked savagely. "Probably just girls and beer in there."  
  
With just one at his eyes, Hiei could tell he didn't believe him.  
  
"Listen," he lowered his voice so only Kurama could hear, "there are some things we're all better off not knowing . . . right?"  
  
"Quite right," he replied curtly. "Well . . . goodnight then . . ."  
  
The door closed and Kurama continued on back to his own room, where he stripped down to an undershirt and boxers and collapsed on his bed, staring at his ceiling while his mind drifted toward dreamland.  
  
"Hmm. . ." he said to himself as he remembered Hiei's words. It was obvious something had happened. "I wonder if . . ."  
  
"Nahhh," he decided, burrowing into his blanket and closing his eyes. "He'll figure it out on his own."  
  
THE END 


End file.
